bad/awesome flixxx review: Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)


"Get that damned screwdriver out of my head!" - Zombie head

"Look, they're ugly and they're dirty and they're dumb, and I don't even care if they are dead. I hate 'em, there's no way they're touching me! " - Lucy

"Sorry Joey, I'm not into dead guys!" - Brenda

Ever seen RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD? Well this wasn't so much of a remake as EVIL DEAD 2 was of EVIL DEAD, but this one DID have 2 of the SAME DUDES PLAYING SIMILAR CHARACTERS WITH SIMILAR LINES. Some of the same lines in fact. And I guess that was to add to the charm. Brenda was pretty hot. Reminded me of a chick from a long time ago. I guess this is what happened with those barrels of toxic waste zombies after the first one. A bunch of nobodies really and no Linnea Quigley in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II!!!

So in the beginning of this one, some army dudes are splitting town from the wreckage of the last movie with the toxic barrels. One of the drivers pulls out a joint to smoke and starts toking away, not really noticing that he's hitting bumps and a few of the barrels fall out and roll into a creek when they cross over a bridge. Subsequently they must float down river and get stuck in this drain where some a local boy gets chased by 2 other older boys. They were initiating the one kid, who's like the hero of the flick, into their gang, but really they were just shitting him out of his comics and beating him up. They chase Jesse (the son? of the dude in the first flick) to this drainage ditch hole in a cliff that looks like the same drain from the movie NEON MANIACS. Jesse is scared (and rightly so) and they chase him back to a masoleum and lock him in it and then go back to explore the drain.

Then an old man, and a young dude are dropped off in this AMAZING VAN to the cemetery by the young dude's hot chick girlfriend, so that this old man can rob the graves of their heads (and a few watches and rings if he's lucky). They find the kid locked in there and he fucking splits like a bat out of hell when he's able to escape. The bad kids fuck up and unlock the barrel which releases some putrid toxic green gas all through the valley and the cemetery and makes anyone coming in contact with it die and come back to life, not to mention all the motherfucking corpses in the graveyard!

From here its cheese city. Jesse runs home, then goes to see the bad kid Billy who's dying after reading an issue of a comic that pretty much explains whats happening with the gas and the barrels and all that. He goes back to the drain to get the number to call the army to tell them what's up. Then a zombie tries to eat his brains. Then he runs home and tries to tell his sister and the cable guy but they lock him in his room for being a bad young dumb kid. Then the old man and young man and hot chick are freaking out when the zombies start ripping from the ground in the graveyard. They run to the neighborhood and try to steal the cable van to split only to wreck it and knock out the phone lines JUST as Jesse was about to talk to a general. Unbeknownst to the neighborhood, the rest of town is being evacuated because of "the plague".

Finally everyone gets this doctor to let them borrow his car and they split to a hospital and the old man and young man die and everyone is fighting zombies for the rest of the flick. Finally Finally the hot chick splits with the old man and young man and she eventually lets young man eat her brains. Then they never show them again. WEIRD. Then the cable guy, the sister, Jesse, and the doc have to figure out finally finally finally how to electrocute all the rest of the zombies in the town that they lure into some electrical plant. There are a bunch of super cheesed out scenes with green slime, dismembered heads and hands and all that shit that makes this sort of a horror/comedy. Pretty good stoned out action. Recommended.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Gerald Abernethy