bad/awesome flixxx review: Disorderlies (1987)

"Chill out, Winslow. We just went to an all night drug store to get some medicine. And it worked." - Albert

"Too damn skinny. You can see their bones and stuff, they look like bicycles. I want a woman that looks like a Cadillac." - Kool

"A Florida lie detector is a 300-pound white man... with a baseball bat." - Sgt. Bledsoe

This movie is all time class.  The Fat Boys were all time, and what you have here is classic Three Stooges style slapstick along with mid 80s hip hop (which in some people's minds was the finest kind, if you know what I'm talkin' about...) made by 3 of the fattest (not phattest {but maybe}) dudes in the biz.  I present to you Ralph Bellamy (one of the old dudes from TRADING PLACES) and the Fat Boys in DISORDERLIES!!!

It's funny- after watching the trailer, it makes total sense that the movie reminded me of The Three Stooges.  I think they based it on that, and it looks like they even tried to sell The Fat Boys as a new team of urban three stooges.  The boys play it well too.  There's even a scene in the beginning where the boys are working in a rest home and they eat a bunch of cakes in the kitchen.  Then the guy who runs the place comes out later into the room where the boys are working with all the elderly people and there is row after row of long covered tables in the room leading me to believe this was going to be an ode to The Three Stooges short "AN ACHE IN EVERY STAKE" or the one where they're throwing pies at each other at the end called "IN THE SWEET PIE AND PIE". It didn't do that, but I still think it could be a nod.  There are plenty of other face slapping, whoob whoob whoob moments though.

So the jist of this movie is that there is an old man named Albert.  He has a shitty snot nosed nephew named Winslow who's in the hock to some Puerto Rican gangster for a SHITLOAD of bread.  His last ditch idea is that sooner or later his bed ridden sick uncle is going to die and he's going to inherit everything.  When he gets desperate, him and his effeminate Chilean man servant decide to someone speed up the death process.  They think maybe the orderlies are doing too good of a job, so Winslow fires them and searches the country (somehow?!? They didn't have search engines back then) for the WORST orderlies in the business.  Not like someone would advertise that they have the worst ones, but he goes from Palm Beach, Florida and finds them (again SOMEHOW) in Brooklyn, New York after (or during) getting fired from their cake fiasco. 

The boys have never been away from home, and find Florida pretty weird.  Before they even get to the mansion, Marky gets thrown in jail for "hollerin" at two chicks riding bikes.  Shits wack in Florida.  They start off by dumping Albert in the pool.  Not a good first impression.  Pretty soon, the boys have snuck Albert out of the house b/c Kool didn't think he could take it down there and wanted to be dropped off at the airport.  But when they pick up some chicks, he changes his tune.  They all go to a roller skate rink where the chick from Art of Noise is jamming in the middle of the place, which is radder than you would ever think.  Albert wakes up and wants to go home.  But then this Asian cutie jumps in his lap and he starts talking like the fat boys using terms like "illin'", and "homeboy".  Winslow tries to give Albert a lethal injection but ends up killing his own dog (which the boys hate).

Next the boys decide to empty out Albert's wild ass computer robot pill machine so that they can use the pills to play poker.  When the butler comes to the door, they scoop up the pills and Marky ducks out to hide them.  But he gets caught up flirting with the maid after the pizza arrives (PIZZA!) and she throws the pills out.  Later he goes looking for them and realizes what he's done.  Three stooges slapstick ensues.  The boys are freaking out because Albert goes into a super deep sleep which they think is a coma.  They think they've killed him, and Winslow prematurely begins calling the funeral home.  But Albert wakes up better than ever.  Turns out he was overmedicated, and the boys bungled a breakthrough in his recovery.  Winslow decides its time to kill the old man, and vows to frame the boys for it.  But the boys record a cover of the Beatles "Baby, You're a Rich Man" and the camera catches Winslow divulging his plan to the gangster.  Kool and Buffy are arrested but escape and its up to them to rescue Marky, the maid and Albert before its too late.  You'll have to rent this and see what happens for yourself, but I highly recommend splurging like $1.98 for this on VHS on Amazon rather than the 10 plus bucks it would cost you to see the new THREE STOOGES flick.  again, word.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Gerald Abernethy