bad/awesome flixxx review: Weird Science (1985)

"You're stewed, buttwad!" - Chet

"Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?" - Wyatt
"Ceremonial." - Gary

"You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals." - Lisa

This movie rules. There's nothing really bad about it at all. Its deep within our collective consciousness now. Even the furtherest on the edge style hermits have seen this one. Maybe I'd consider the USA television series bad, but this can't be f'd with. The reason I'm throwing it in here is because recently I watched it over and over for a benefit prom party I threw for a buddy. The prom was set in 1986 and the theme was "WEIRD SCIENCE". So there's a bunch of pics in here to follow. Anthony Michael Hall, super on fire hot Kelly Labrock, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, Bill Paxton, and Robert Downey Jr round out the cast with a cameo by THE HILLS HAVE EYES creeper Michael Berryman all in the name of WEIRD SCIENCE!!!!
 

Wyatt and Gary are the typical high school nerds. And I mean "nerd" in the old school sense of the word nerd, where the only friends you might have are a few other ragtag band of nerds at school that no one else will sit with at the lunch table. Nowadays, I feel like nerds are the most prized. All the glamorizing of nerds over the years paid off, and now nerds get as much ass as jocks. Hahaha. I hate to put it in those "terms"... but that's simply how it is, not only because of what went through the original "nerds" minds, but if you look at movies like this and REVENGE OF THE NERDS, those who were along the social sidelines, were always daydreaming of being popular or being with the "hot" girl or the "hunky" guy. In the beginning of this one, Wyatt and Gary are standing in the gym watching the chicks work out, daydreaming of being popular and scoring with them, when 2 popular dickheads pants them and split making fools out of our protagonists.

Cut to a scene where they are at Gary's house. They have the house all to themselves for the weekend because his folks are out of town (to meet his sister's fiance). The only one they have to watch out for is Gary's older asshole brother Chet (Paxton). They're watching Frankenstein (as dudes tend to do) and Wyatt comes up with the idea of building a super hot girl that will do anything they say with Gary's super nerd computer setup (as dudes tend to do). Not much preparation goes into it, but somehow with a barbie doll, the computer, a few hours boob design, and some ceremonial bras on their heads, they pull it off. Naming her Lisa after a girl Gary was in love with once, so begins an adventure they'll never forget.

Lisa somehow has magical powers to seemingly make anything she needs appear out of thin air. Clothes, cars, fake ids, you name it. She tries to get the boys to shower with her and party her up, but they're too intimidated to do anything. So she takes them out on the town to a blues club and gets them wasted. Chet busts them coming home, and Gary has to bribe him with money not to rat him out to their folks. BOGUS!! So the boys go to the mall with Lisa and the bullies strike again pouring Icee's on our heroes. They piss off their own girlfriends who Gary & Wyatt crush on. The bullies spot Lisa and follow her, she cooly blows them off, but invites them to a party at Gary's. Then she splits with Gary in a sweet Porche.

Gary doesn't want to have the party, but Lisa convinces them that it will give them all the popularity that they want, then she picks up Wyatt at his folks and freaks them out so bad, that Wyatt's dad doesn't even know who he is anymore. Then the party starts and becomes a rager and Gary and Wyatt hide in the bathroom. The bullies girlfriends meet Lisa and she tells them if they get the chance to shower with the boys. They meet the boys in the bathroom on accident and then the boys split outside. The bullies try to convince the boys to give them Lisa, but they explain she's totally loyal to them. But they agree to build a girl for the bullies. But they forget to hook up the doll, and accidentally create a missile in their living room. Lisa is disappointed in the boys. Some mutant bikers show up and start terrorizing the party. The kitchen turns blue. Lisa freezeframes Gary's bitchy grandparents and puts them in a cupboard. Gary and Wyatt finally stand up for themselves against the bikers calling them names and pointing a gun they think is a water pistol in their faces. When the bikers leave the gun goes off showing it was real all the time. WHHHHOOOOOAaaaaa. The boys get the girls. They spend the night with them. All seems well. Then Chet shows up. She sends the boys to drop off the girls, turns Chet into a monster, and then disappears when the boys reveal they have new girlfriends. All the damage goes back to normal just in time before Gary's folks appear from their weekend away. The end. EXCEPT......Where did Lisa go? Turns out she's the new gym coach. All the boys slap their heads and faint. wink to the camera. Very Looney Tunes ending. Merry Melodies even. Should you see this? If you haven't, something is the matter with you. Check it out soon.

 

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Gerald Abernethy