Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: The Toxic Avenger (1984)

"Hey look Frank. Teeny-boppers. You like video games teeny-boppers? Your mommy give you quarters for video games? Well cough 'em up." - Leroy

"That's where you're wrong. YOU'RE wasting our time. And now we're gonna waste you!" - Cigar Face

"You fat slob. Let's see if you've got any guts." - Toxie

A complete classic flick! I remember watching the first three of these on USA for a marathon years ago. Its one of those flicks that got paired on a Sunday afternoon with THE WILD LIFE on WJZY or WCCB in Charlotte in the 80s for a double feature after mega monster theater. Those old Troma films capture a different time in Jersey and New York City, a dirtier albeit more fun (?) time. Definitely a more dangerous, more debaucherous time, and to me that equals fun. Lloyd Kaufman's baby that started his empire, with a super young Marisa Tomei running from a shower scene, I give you THE TOXIC AVENGER!!

There's a health club in Tromaville where our pre-protaganist works as the wimpy janitor. A gang of creepy thirtysomethings... maybe they're supposed to be teenagers hang out there and smoke. The two couples have this sick game where they run over people with their cars and take pictures of the gore and probably beat off to it. The gang led by the aptly named "Bozo" torment the shit out of Melvin. But Melvin, never the brightest of bulbs is always suckered into their pranks. One afternoon, the blonde chick cons Melvin into thinking he's going to get some from her. Instead he ends up making out with a lipsticked sheep in front of the whole health club at the pool. Melvin runs down the hall and is so torn up he jumps head first out a window into a vat of toxic waste on the back of a truck thats stopped so the truckers can do some blow. 

Melvin, who was dressed in a polka dot tutu to further add to his embarrassment begins to burn and change into another creature. He runs home and tries to hide from his mother only to be chased out once she sees him not knowing whats happened. That night some pretty intolerant goons try to buy off this Irish cop who's not buying their bullshit. So they decide to lean on him. Out of nowhere, Toxie rolls out and starts bashing. Then he sticks a mop in their dead faces. The one called Cigar Face gets away with only his nuts smashed. The cop realizes Toxie is there to help and reports everything to the other cops and the newspaper dubs Toxie the "Monster Hero". 

The real main bad guy is actually the mayor. He's got all kinds of schemes going down and when Cigar Face tells him what happened, he just goes on with his act sending the cops out in force to catch Toxie. So then 3 bad guys try to rob a Mexican joint and are foiled by Toxie who kills each of them more brutally than the last. Here he meets the love of his life, a blind girl named Sarah. Then we have a montage of them falling in love. Then Toxie cements himself as a goodie goodie in town with the kids and the citizens. Then he goes for revenge on those who turned him into the monster he is. First after smashing a drug dealer's face in, he gets one of the girls who disfigured him. 

So the mayor sends more goons after him, but Toxie is a super badass and takes care of them no problem. He ends up getting all of the gang who transformed him, but then the mayor goes after him bigtime against the will of the people. Toxie kills this little old lady. He knew she was bad, but no one in town did and so he gets painted badly in the press. The mayor uses this to his advantage and gets the national guard on his side against Toxie. Pretty soon they have him cornered in a tent with his girlfriend on the edge of town. Does Toxie give in to his murderous tempations, does he lose control? Does the fat bastard mayor defeat our sludgy hero? You'll have to watch and see for yourself! If you're unfamiliar with Troma movies, this is about the best one to start with. 

Friday, January 18, 2013

Gerald Abernethy