Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Dune (1984)

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain." - Paul

"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion." - Piter de Vries

"I'll miss the sea, but a person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, allowing him to grow. Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." - Duke Leto

SPOILER WARNING!!!!! This is a GREAT movie. We're talking top notch shit here. Why then is it listed in a "bad" movie blog? Well, the thing is here, DUNE just like BLADERUNNER, is a grown up sci fi. It's not for everyone. Some people, even me the first few times around were bored to death even before they got the giant talking brain in a glass jar which is only like ten minutes into the film! If you're looking for Star Wars, its got some of that, but it has SO much more. The names are enough to confuse anyone. I personally fell asleep trying to watch it for over ten years at least. But I waited, bided my time, and BANG... I knew I was ready. Maybe its because both of these movies WERE novels before they were written as screenplays. You can tell by the ending of this film that they were trying to fit some things in. It definitely feels rushed, BUT, that being said, if you are patient, this is an incredible incredible film. Kyle Maclachlan, Sting, and Captain Picard (and a fucking soundtrack by TOTO!!), all star in DUNE!!!!!

If you looked up or have heard anything at all about this flick, then you know it was based on the novel written by Frank Herbert. It was directed by David Lynch but he was denied final cut, so on some versions he just took his name out of it and threw a bone to old Alan Smithee. The story sounds super complicated right from the start but all you really need to know is that there is this sweet spice that everything in the universe runs on in the future. It can only be found on one desert planet and there are two families fighting to rule that planet. There is also people who live on this planet and oh yeah, super giant fucking worms. The two houses are the Atreides and the Harkonnens. The Harkonnens control Dune. Think of the Atreides as the good guys and the Harkonnens as the bad guys. But that spice I mentioned? It can make you live longer, get you stoned, and it can also "fold" space so you can be anywhere in the universe like BAM! So whoever is in charge of that planet is bigtime. 

So this talking brain is part of the guild. They are the ones who "fold" space by shooting lasers out of their asses and noses (which look like vaginas), and then flying in space and creating a portal with the butt lasers. One of them goes to the Emporer who is supposedly in charge of everyone and tells them that they must kill the son of the Duke of Atriedes (or their leader). They are planning on taking control of Dune, and they have these weapons called Weirding Modules! The Duke and his wife who is a secret psychic witch had this son. The psychic witches think he is the one foretold of in this prophecy that says one will come to help all the people from the planet Arrakis (Dune). Those people are called Fremen. They hide out in the wastelands of Dune underground and wait on their leader, the foretold or the "Kwisatz Haderach". The son is named Paul and the head witch comes and gives him tests but she still doesn't know what to think of him. So they head to Dune to take over, wary that the Harkkonen may have left traps for them. 

Cut to some other planet where the Harkonnen live and the main dude, the Count is getting some gnarly acne scars cleaned up off of his face. He's got some major skin disease going on. So he gets his nephews, Sting and Glosso and this other guy who has wine lips and big eyebrows to get a traitor to help them betray the Atriedes. That dude happens to be one of the main dudes over at the Atriedes camp, their weapons man over the Weirding modules- Dean Stockwell (from Quantum Leap/Blue Velvet). He betrays the Atriedes allowing Paul's father, Duke Leto to be killed. But he also put a gas tooth in Leto's mouth hoping he would bite down and kill Harkonnen. But instead it kills their wine lips guy. Apparently each family or kingdom or whatever has one. They don't explain much about them in the movie, but they seem like they drink that juice or whatever and they have some special duties they perform. Maybe like a cleric or shaman or something. The Harkonnen's troops invade and take over Dune again, and Paul and his mother are left stranded in the desert after their ship crashes. Paul uses a "thumper" to help them escape from one of the giant sandworms (or Shai Hulud) and they meet up with a huge gang of Fremen. They quickly realize that all the years hanging out with the witches and given his visions and what happens when he ingests the spice, that he must be their savior. Also his mom has her second child that she was pregnant from Duke Leto. Her name is Alia and she is born with all the knowledge that her mother and the other witches have already at birth. CREEPY! 

So years go by and Paul becomes the leader of the Fremen and teaches them the weirding way and how to ride sandworms. Then he drinks the water of Life and goes into a coma. When he wakes up he realizes "THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKEN". He knows the secret. The water can kill the spice. If he destroys the spice, he will take over the planet and become ruler of the galaxy. He also sees that the shit he is about to stir up (the jihad) is going to one day be out of control and spread across the universe. But he says fuck it, and goes to attack the guys who killed his father. They destroy the mining operation that is set up so that no one can mine the spice anymore and basically brings the production to a standstill. Him and the Fremen destroy the Harkonnen troops and his lil sis Alia kills Baron Harkonnen at only four years old!! That's tough! Paul says 'hey man, its over, I'm the boss now', and Sting says 'BULL shit man, let's fight!', and they have a knife fight, but Paul is a superhuman psychic desert warrior man, you gotta more than a smooth voice and a six pack abs to defeat him. So yeah, Paul becomes the winner and Alia jumps for joy with a knife. I just got a copy of the Sci Fi miniseries, so I'm gonna do a bit of comparing and contrasting to see what's what. I think I'm in here. Probably going to start the books after I finish this Dark Tower Stephen King series. Should you see it? Absolutely. This one is classic. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Gerald Abernethy