Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

"Hahaha, you always make us laugh, Merc'ry! See you soon Merc'ry!" - Pluto

"We're gonna be french fries! Human french fries!" - Brenda

"Yeah well, if animals around here are smart enought to run radios we're up shitcreek without a paddle." - Lynn

A creepy flick about a family of cannibal hicks living somewhere out in Arizona or New Mexico on a reservation beside of an Airforce bombing range. "Starring" Michael Berryman (the guy on the poster) pretty much because of the way he looks. Directed by Wes Craven- I present to you THE HILLS HAVE EYES!!!

In the beginning an old man named Fred is furiously packing his truck up on his little farm. Apparently he runs a gas station in the middle on nowhere and looks like he needs to get the hell outta there. He sees this dirty chick coming up to his place and he tries to shoo her away. She says she wants to trade whatever's in her bag for some food. But he tells her he doesn't have any and tells her that her and "the pack" are gonna be in big trouble for what they've done. She explains they only attacked the Airforce base because no one else passed through there anymore. Then they hear someone yelling and she hides in a closet. Fred is very scared of getting caught speaking with her. 

A family in a station wagon pulling an Airstream with 2 german shepards pulls up to get some gas. They're loud and annoying and annoyed with each other. The dad, Bob, an ex detective is bound and determined to visit an old family mine on their way to California. The daughters and sons have no desire to head out that way and everyone is on each other's nerves. Fred tries hard to discourage them from going to what he considers certain death. They just dismiss him as some old kook and after looking around they head on their way with a final warning from Fred. When they leave he goes back to check and the scraggly girl is gone. 

So while they're driving down the long dirt road toward the mine, they think they're lost and start passing the map back and forth and then planes fly low over their heads and scare them and Bob drives faster and faster and crashes in a ditch breaking the axle and shaking everyone up. Now they really are stuck in the middle of nowhere and being spied on by somebody in the dark. The dad tries to walk back 15 miles to the gas station and the oldest daughter's husband tries to walk to the airforce base to get help. By nightfall one of the dogs runs off and the young son finds her dead and gutted up on top of some rocks. The son-in-law gets back and they figure out something heavy is going on. Fred's truck has been blown up and he's trying to hang himself. The dad makes Fred tell him what's going on. Fred explains that his son has a gang of Satanic kids that live in the hills. Bob tries to run back to his family with his bad heart and "Papa Jupiter" captures him. They set him on fire in front of his family and the mom freaks out. Then 2 of the sons break into the camper, kill one daughter, mortally wound the mother, rape one of the girls, and steal the baby! HEAVY! 

So the real hero of the movie is the second dog, Beast. He first picks off the more dimwitted of the brothers "Merc'ry" and then stalks the rest of the "pack". The son-in-law runs to find his baby and Papa Jupiter and Pluto return to kill the rest of the family. Then there's a big showdown and someone comes forward to help our sad family. Who is it? Well you'll just have to watch for yourself to see what pans out for our gold hungry suburbanites. Should you see this? Yeah, its a classic with 2 sequels and a remake with its own sequel. Someone thought it was worthy.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Gerald Abernethy